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Thursday, July 13, 2017

Pulling those big girl panties up.

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  Oh yes, it is a post in which I release the quackin, on myself. 

  Do you ever start to take something for granted? And feel that you are owed something because of maybe your education or whatever? Guess what? I've finally learned some humility. What, you didn't know I didn't have any? Well, we all have a little bit of that ego, and a little bit can go a long way sometimes. 

  In 2014, I couldn't find a job in my field, and by the time it was winter, we were running out of heating oil so I went back to the state as an employee and was truly lucky enough to find a job where I was very much appreciated for quite a bit of time. 

  Things change, as everything does, and my frustration at my lack of upward mobility is showing. And I realized today that it is greatly my own fault. My husband and mother have been very ill the past two years and I have had to take quite a bit of time off. So my fault in this is that I didn't realize that the job I have is so important to my family and sometimes that needs to come first, which may mean taking that extra trip back, no matter how late, so that you save some time. It may mean asking people to drive family members to doctor appointments so that you can save your time up. It may mean putting your job first sometimes. 

  Things are a little level now, not great, my mom's health is better but my husband is still not doing great. But everything is level enough that I need to focus on giving back to my job and really be there.

  Writing this is not easy, I was wrong. I took it for granted. I forgot how much I owe to this job and how it came through at a rough time. 

  Sure, I want to finish my novel and become published, but I have a ways to go for that. I would love to work in the yarn and designing field, but that isn't going to be happening any time soon. I would love to do a great many things. But right now, I need to focus on doing what I need to do for my family to support them with the fantastic health insurance that I get through my job that won't be effected by the possible changes in D.C. 

  So I printed out some signs for my desk, to remind me to go humble and get my ass to work. And I am grateful for the job, I just forgot that I was. 

"This job was a gift during a hard time."

"No one owes you anything."

Nope, no one does either. And I need to stop thinking they do. I am where I am because of the choices I have made, good and bad. So time to pull my big girl pants up and be grateful for what I have and accept what I may not like for now. 

Time to grow up.

Be Well,