Hall of Finished Projects 2016-All

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

That Panic Feeling (swearing involved)

This is not going to be a cheerful post.

Currently, I am supporting 4 people on 49k. You would think it would be okay right? It evens out to about 35k after taxes and health insurance stuff. But keep in mind that if anything goes wrong, if anything big needs to be replaced? I'm fucked.

Well, that has happened. My stove stopped working (but one burner is still working), my tires have cracks in them (3/4 of them do), and my fridge died this morning.

So yeah.

You know what I was watching last night? The Martian. He says that shit is going to go wrong and you either accept it and die, or take each problem one at a time. Well, I'm not sure how to prioritize these problems. Do I fix my tires or buy a new fridge (somehow, it is more expensive than the tires)?

I spend so much of my time trying to hide my frustration, anger, fear, and just try not to take it out on the people in the house who are doing the best they can too. But you know what? I cannot get a credit card to pay for this stuff, and I sure as hell could not pay it off if I did get approved by some miracle. Bills are hard enough to pay each month.

So I am flipping out now. I have reached my limit. If I was that guy on Mars, I would fix the fridge. I would do my own tires. Hell, I could probably even rig the oven to work.

But I am not. I'm a knitter, crocheter, loving mom, and writer. So instead, I've reached my limit, flipped out and started to cry. Because I cannot fix it. I cannot make money appear out of thin air. I cannot fix it all and still have food for everyone, even with me eating ramen soup.

This is me overwhelmed, wanting to both scream and crawl in a hole.

Instead, I write, and work on opening up my chest.

What I mean by this is, when I get upset, I clench and tighten and cry. Instead of rolling into that ball, I am opening up and accepting that "yeah, this fucking happened" and saying to myself "hell yeah, I should feel this way". Relaxing into my emotions that are overwhelming me. Literally relaxing into it and then the breath comes more deeply.

When I have high anxiety or panic, I feel as if my spirit is literally grasping all around for solid ground. For something to hold onto. But we are not solid, we are energy. And when we get so stressed and panic-stricken that all you can do is roll into ball and hold onto that energy, and sob.

But why do we hold onto that energy? We're encapsulating it into ourselves and causing our own suffering, rather than giving ourselves space inside to feel the stress and releasing that energy. When we release the energy, we feel less overwhelmed, panicked and anxiety-ridden. Try it. Know your body!

Step 1) Lean Back. You cannot open up your chest space if you are leaned over.
Step 2) Relax your chest. This could mean taking a deep breath, or simply giving yourself permission to feel upset.
Step 3) Deep breaths. Take deeper breaths
Repeat steps 2-3.

Wish me luck!

Friday, June 24, 2016

Knitting and Crocheting When We Can

  Over and over the past few weeks, I have tried to start writing another blog post. But with all of the stress and craziness in my life, it has been hard and felt like something I have to do, instead of something I want to do. This is my blog space, not a job. I love my followers and want to stay faithful to writing for you folks and sharing with you what I've been doing that is beautiful and what I have found that is wonderful.

  So that leads me to today.

  Today is Friday and the weekend stretches out in front of me. My daily three tarot card was as torn and stressed out as I was haha.

So the goals this weekend are to make some more washcloths to sell at a 4 hour table I'm sharing with a friend and maybe finish a pillow.

I finished one washcloth, the Cream Circle Washcloth from Lion Brand (crocheted), very easy to make (need to weave in ends!!). The next washcloth to make will be the Diagonal Knit Dishcloth by Jana Trent, which is knitted (both patterns are free).

I am also making some pillows, because why not! I have had my eye on this particular pattern (love Celeste Young's patterns!!) from the book Knits of a Feather. The pillow is called Partridge Holiday Pillow and is knit up in worsted weight, below is a picture from the book. I am using Knitpicks.com swish worsted (I adore Swish, if you haven't noticed), the picture of Garnet Heather and Camel Heather is below.


  This pillow is actually knitting up beautifully and fairly quickly. Pretty sure I will be doing a few more pillows for sales on July 8th in my county. But I want to finish one more wash cloth and this pillow this weekend.

Side Note:

  Can I just say here that the knitting and crocheting community is by and large a fantastic group of people. Supportive, kind and just wonderful, I cannot say enough about the support that I have received of late. So thank you to everyone who has stuck around and liked my posts explaining (kind of) why there are no blog posts or Friday Free Patterns.

  Summer has just began and one of my goals is to try and take it one day at a time. One stitch at a time, and maybe sprinkle a mental health day or two in there for alone time when I feel too overwhelmed. Being a mom to two adorable and wonderful daughters can make it hard to find alone time, and normally that is ok. But lately it can be to much and depression and anxiety are making me irritable and weepy (odd right?).

Be well, everyone. Take deep breaths with me and let's give out more caring words than harsh ones.

Thank you!


Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Knitting and Crocheting Goal Setting, Addiction or Hoarding?

  It has been a very long time since I have hid the fact that I suffer from depression and anxiety. Having no thyroid (removed due to cancer in 2010) has definitely not helped with the fatigue that can hit you with having no thyroid.

  Something I absolutely LOVE about knitting and crocheting is the fact that they give you goals. One of the most efficient ways to keep yourself from dwelling on the negative thoughts that will arise from depression and/or anxiety is to 1) keep yourself occupied (knitting and crocheting are GREAT for this) and 2) have short term and long term goals.

When we buy a skein of yarn, we're not JUST hoarding (hehe), we're planning and getting materials for short term (a project we are going to start asap) and long term (the yarn is soo pretty we just know we will use it for something, eventually) goals.

This type of planning can get insane and chaotic, creating it's own problems haha.

My ravelry.com account has the following pattern stats:

2,155 favorites
114 Books (physical)
58 Magazines
1,254 Single Patterns


Yarn-wise.. I'm not sure. I have a ridiculous stash that I have gone through and enveloped all wool skeins and hanks in sealed plastic bags for protection. I would say that it is safe to say that I have around 250 skeins and hanks of yarn. Seriously. It's stupid. It's probably more, I'm not sure. I want to get some smaller bins from Walmart (I have the stupid long ones that do not fit anywhere neatly with my new bed). Once I get those I can take pictures and add them to my stash on ravelry (GOAL here!).

Having written all of this, I feel as if I have a mixture of Healthy Goal Setting, Addiction and Level 1 (to maybe a touch of Level 2) Hoarding hehe. My house is cluttered, though to be honest, my kids make 75% of the mess. I swear they are like little vacuum cleaners that leak crumbs out the corner of their mouths onto the carpet haha. I should teach them how to use the little hand vacuums! (What a good idea!) And they certainly do not play with all of the toys they have, I need to downsize that population this summer!!!

My life right now is chaotic, stressful, and my mother recently left the hospital. So I'm being a little forgiving for myself because I am exhausted, way more tired than I have let on to anyone (except you folks haha). But as with anything, this too shall pass.

So let's keep our heads up, keep setting knitting and crocheting goals (if nothing else) because in my case, it is quite likely that I will not be able to make every pattern (and I add new ones all the time, especially free ones). But hey, at least I have goals :P.