Hall of Finished Projects 2016-All

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Getting Through The Rough Stuff

I have been tracking my moods for a while now, and definitely have a pattern of Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Dysorder. Also, my world is very, very stressful for me right now.

  First thing I wanted to do was come on here and vomit everything that is going wrong with my world into my blog, because that's what it's for right? Well, it could be, but I don't necessarily want it to be. Yesterday I broke down a little from stress and had some very dark thoughts, so I stared at my Facebook friend list and gingerly picked 1-2 people to reach out to that I thought would understand. I cried in the kitchen, hell, I cried all day long. But I got through it and know that this week shall pass.

  This blog will not be a personal vomit of what is going wrong with my life, but what I'm doing right while it's going wrong.

So what am I doing right while it goes wrong?

1) I reached out to friends.

       Trust me I know exactly how hard that is. Some of the thoughts that go through our heads are things like "they won't care", "they don't have time", "people are sick of hearing my problems" (this one is funny because it's not like you're texting people every day with your problems, so not realistic unless you have shitty friends). These are fears and just thoughts. They are not necessarily realistic and true.

2) I did something to give me a knitting drive this summer.

     A town in my county is going to be having an event that is only 4 hours long and called for local craft vendors. Last time I sold locally, I sold one hat over two days and didn't make back what it cost to rent a table. Was kind of disheartening. The knitters told me my prices were too low, everyone else said the prices were too high. *le sigh*. I need money, so pretty sure I will be really pissing off the knitters, but such is life haha. I'm trying to get out there lol.

3) Push through the pain.

    Anyone who has had depression, anxiety or any kind of mental illness since they were a child knows by their 30's that generally it comes in waves and that even when the storm is really bad, it will usually pass into still waters at some point. Mine does. Especially the week before my period. There is a chemical reason for it, and in a few days it will pass. Is the pain and stress I'm feeling not real? Hell no, of course it is real! But I will be better able to deal with it in a few days. In the meantime, I knit A LOT, and cuddle with my kids, cry when I need to and try my best to keep my mouth shut if anger opens up and wants to snap at someone.

Let's knit people. Keep your chins up.