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Monday, September 14, 2015

Pondering As I Knit

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So today is a little colder, the cool air having moved in this past week. I've been doing a lot of knitting this past weekend, so should probably take the day off to let my elbow rest. Wish me luck with that.

Over the weekend, I was still feeling really down. To be honest, I have good reasons for feeling stressed, but I generally try to stay positive for my kids and because I deserve it. But lately I have just hit my rut and am either super sad or numb. Probably just the cold weather coming in. I did manage to get some cleaning in, so woot for me!

My oldest started school last week again, 3rd grade, and my youngest is home with my mother and very lonely. I feel bad for her. Last night she looked at me with her big brown eyes and said "You stay home with me tomorrow?" I told her no, that Daddy and I had to go to work and Lizzie to school. But she could play with Grandma tomorrow. She said "Okay" and laid her head against me. My poor pumpkin.

I have several projects that are in my WIP (or will soon be WIP's) pile and I hope I can finish a few asap.

 One is the Leksak sweater for my oldest. She picked out the color of the yarn (Twilight Blue in Swish dk yarn, knitpicks.com). Just have to finish the sleeves, and tapering them should be interesting since she wants them tapered, and the pattern does not have that. But it is easily done.

Another WIP I want to finish is the Water MKAL by Fiddleknits. I'm almost halfway through with clue 3, so getting there. The yarn from Celestial Strings is fun and I'm enjoying doing my first project with dropped stitches (woot!).

And I'm cracking the proverbial wip on myself for the Men's Sloppy Joe sweater for my husband (pattern by Martin Storey and yarn is Berroco Vintage). I have to say that I find this pattern uniquely BORING haha. But the husbeast wants it.

Keeping my hands and thoughts busy helps my depression. But part of me really craves the beach, the ocean beach. To feel the salt in the air, to hear the waves rush onto the sand, to feel the sand give under you.. Nothing is better.. So rejuvenating, so calming, cleansing, grounding. Where air, water and earth meet, such a powerful place for our spirits.
There have been fewer times in my life that I have felt that I fit in, instead, I usually feel that I do not. And today I pondered that. So to leave you with this post, think about what makes us different? If we are kind to ourselves and others, is it necessarily a bad thing to be different? Would fitting in make us feel less lonely or would it just continue to be a sharp note against who we are.
So yes, I'm feeling depressed, but instead of trying to break through it, for the rest of this evening, I'm going to try and sink into myself and relax. Allow myself to be who I am, be kind to the people around me and breath. To not fight the dark clouds. Wish me luck!! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephenie-zamora/what-to-do-when-you-just-_b_5526320.html
 Be well and take care!!