So many of us have had hard childhood's, I'm not under any belief that I am unique, or that it is a competition and I had it worst, which I know I didn't. Instead, I try to be compassionate towards others and myself on a daily basis. Towards myself means giving myself a break, if I need to sit on the chair and cry a little, then get up and clean for 20 minutes, so be it. If I need to message a friend on Facebook, so be it. If I need to go for a walk, that is a bonus with the kids :D.
So once you take care of yourself, you should also be able to take care of others. Like my children and my husband who is in pain from his back (though I would prefer if he would throw out his trash that is next to the counter instead of leaving it on the counter haha). What I've noticed is that folks who have been neglected as children (at least neglected, if not abused), crave for people to return this care and when it doesn't happen it can be devastating.
So if you find yourself feeling that way, keep in mind that first of all we surround ourselves by people who we are comfortable and familiar with, and that includes people who resemble the family we grew up with in various ways, including emotional availability. Second of all, what if it was up to us to hug that little neglected child inside and cuddle that child when we feel that devastation, instead of waiting for someone else to do the cuddling. As adults we can do a certain amount of what I call self-mothering and actually think about that child that wanted love and simply hug the innocent child that still lives in all of us.
We're kind of like onion layers, which is how I see human development.
- At the center is the baby who needs to be mimicked and needs to get that face to face contact and smiles.
- Then the toddler who needs just as much love and cuddles as well as a growing sense of boundaries for wrong and right.
- Then the child who needs those boundaries reinforced and a safe and affectionate place to turn too.
- Teenagers are so ready to be independent but they still need those hugs and embarrassing kisses, as well as the strong boundaries, and stories to relate to the teen about the dangers of choices during that time, though experience is going to be a strong influence.
- The presiding opinion is that the brain does not stop developing until at least the age of 25, which would mean that teenagers are teen's until 25 and as I'm 34, my opinion is that is probably true haha.
So if any of these spaces are missing support, acceptance or love of at least one adult, and let's admit that many of us have missed that unconditional feeling, there is a hole. I wonder why the holiday's are the times that make that emptiness most prevalent? Why do you think?
I have been knitting obsessively, because I have a bazaar I will be selling my items at on November 14-15 at SUNY Cobleskill. I'm psyched!