Hall of Finished Projects 2016-All

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Dragons and Writing

Good afternoon, crazy folk! Holy crap, actually starting with a crafty picture. Shocked? Won't end with one (insert evil laugh). The above picture is the double knitted scarf Celtic Dragon by Tania Richter and I am trying desperately to finish it haha. Thought I'd share it.

   On other fronts, I'm determined to keep writing. Went to another book signing this past weekend, saw Anne Bishop, Kristain Britain, Deborah Blake and Julie Czerneda. All fantastic authors, all but the last are fantasy authors, the last is a sci-fi and fantasy author. What a wonderful evening. And it gave me more oomph to keep working on my novel so woot! Well, my novel re-write.

  In the mean-time, I keep on working on my preparation for the Renaissance Faire I am selling my things at in May. 

  My husband is on this huge spring cleaning kick, holy yay :P. 

Be well,

Monday, March 18, 2019

With Love

I have been re-reading all of the Kevin Hearne books - Iron Druid for the humor, and they are funny. Very Neil Gaiman-ish and irreverent. Check them out.

I have also been watching the following:
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel: on Amazon Prime. Her determined forward movement to do whatever she wants, regardless of how it affects the people around her (her kids or her parents) is sometimes a little jarring, but she is funny. So funny. At least once you get past her narcissism.

Star Trek: Discovery: CBS All Access: I know, I bought into it just for this show, and it has been worth it, even having to wait every week for the new episode. They are good. Not going to give spoilers away, this alternative universe is fascinating.

All The Little Things: Hulu: This is a depressing show. There is really no other way to slice it. It starts out in the very first episode with someone jumping off a cliff, so really you think there is no where else to go but up, right? Oh but you would be wrong. And as someone who is a cancer survivor, it can be hard to hear that word and see people go through it sometimes. The characters are so flawed, seeing them stumble around and have their flaws revealed to their friends is both satisfying and heartbreaking.. So I watch and cry.

This is Life: Amazon Prime: Another depressing show.. or is it? I mean crap, the first chapter is really not all that cheerful. The entire movie is really kind of depressing.. But as someone who suffers through chronic depression and always have I sometimes ask myself why I stick it around. 
  It's funny, because after I watched Captain Marvel there was this brilliant picture that said that Captain America stood up because he could but Captain Marvel stood up again when she was knocked down because "fuck you". And that is what it is like when you have chronic depression. Think about it. Life is rough. It is hard. 
    And that is what this movie was about. Life is hard, and we get knocked down, but we stand up and when we stand up and take that next step forward we see and are love. 
   I see my children. I love, my children. Always. I would never, ever, kill myself, no matter how sad or how bad the pain got because I love my children so much. I would never do that to them. Instead, I stand up, say fuck you to the pain (like an old friend) and step forward with and into love. Even when I don't feel it, it's there. 

When I craft, each stitch is a step forward with love. Instead of sitting in my chair and just wrapping myself up with a blanket and laying down in a fetal position. I stitch forward with love.

I like that phrase.

I stitch forward with love.

Through the pain,
through the heartache
through the depression
through all of the fatigue
through the loneliness.
I stitch forward with love.

May you step forward, stitch forward, pay it forward and look forward with love.

Be Well!

Friday, March 1, 2019

You are enough. Breath into yourself.

  I have come to realize, lately, that I was angry and frustrated. Very much so. There are dozens of cultural and very real reasons to be angry, and I am not talking about those reasons. I am talking about personal, every day, I am angry and people in my life reasons. 

  What is underneath anger?

  Honestly, 9 times out of 10, it is pain. And this does not me saying that anger is not justified. Feel the anger, but let's not feed the anger because it isn't healthy. I have not been living healthy. As the Buddhists would say, I am clinging to my suffering because I am clinging beliefs that are false.

  Do you know what Cognitive Dissonance is? This is when you have a belief about something, but it just doesn't quite match up with life so there is a problem in your brain and your emotions when it comes to that belief. 

  I believe that I should be able to fix people. To fix things. That people should treat each other kindly and fairly. Ha, right? Because the honest truth is that we are all living in our own heads and so often we all do not realize how we come across. 

  How many times have we known someone who thought they were being nice but they were coming across as harsh, distant or dismissive (which can be very hurtful towards the people around them)? Some people are in so much pain either physically or emotionally that they just don't have the space in their head to think about other people. This is when the people around them suffer. It isn't on purpose, no one is trying to be cruel. But a relationship is a two-way street and when one person is not able to do work, the other person ends up being an empty cup. 

We have all been there. It is exhausting.

But what can we do? It isn't their fault, and they still have good days. But we cannot be strong all the time. 

So what do we do?

Let it go.

We get our inner strength from multiple places, but first and foremost, it comes from inside. Yes, we have scars and we have needs, but we need to stop expecting other people to fulfill them. Life doesn't always work out that way, it's not a fairy tale and you are only the main character in your story, not in theirs or your boss's or your sister's or your parents. 

We cannot control, should not manipulate, cannot and will not force others to give us what we think we need. 

First, look within and let it go with love towards ourselves. Relax.

I mean it. Look inside and relax those inner muscles that are all clenched up. 

You are fine.

Next, repeat as often as you can to be still and present. The past happened, it's gone. Even five minutes ago is gone. You cannot get it back. The future isn't here yet and you cannot control everything that will happen in the future. All you can do is your best. Your best to be a kind human being towards the beings around you and first yourself. 

This is how we change the world. By changing our inner world first. This is the first step. Letting our need to control the past, which is gone, and the future, which isn't even here yet. Enjoy the moment. The breath. Enjoy a silent glance down a street when the wind pauses just ever so slightly this winter. 

You are here.

Do this over and over again, with kindness towards yourself. I haven't been, and boy have I felt it. The anger has been burning me up. The pain has been tearing me up. And for what?

May this be a reminder.

You are enough.
Be kind to yourself.
Be loving to yourself.
Relax into yourself.
Embrace all the dark corners of yourself.
Breathe into yourself.
You are enough.